Part 2: My Prescription for Scanxiety
With Scanxiety in full effect, it’s been harder to focus. The fear and ‘what if’ games become so intense they can paralyze you. Many of my go-to activities, like meditation, guitar and Xbox lose their magic simply because I can’t concentrate. It’s like being overtaken by the Shadow Monster in Stranger Things- my stomach tightens, breaths are too short… my body knows it’s under attack even if I’m not actively thinking about cancer.
Part of me didn’t even want to write a blog post until after I receive the results. So much is riding on one moment; if it falls on the wrong side of the fence, all these ideas I had in the back-burner seem completely trivial.
Then I remembered it’s not just me going through this situation. Not today and not tomorrow as cancer continues to wreak havoc on all our lives. So I rehashed things a bit and thought about where I could gain back control based on personal experience- this isn’t my first rodeo with uncertainty and debilitating fear.
Here’s a combo that’s actually helped in the past and that I’ll be resorting back to in the meantime…
Basically, a whole lot of Seinfeld, cleaning and cannabis . Here’s why:
Seinfeld - The show’s whole experience just loosens me up, from the quirky music to the absurd yet relatable dialogue/situations. Seinfeld is one of the few shows that actually makes me laugh out loud, and laughter counters the negative effects of stress by lowering cortisol and releasing endorphins. After watching enough episodes, I even seem to take on the comedic lens and notice more humor around me.
Cleaning - I’m a pretty organized guy by nature but when my head’s a mess, it translates to the surrounding environment. Suddenly clothing piles up, clutter spreads… before I know it my place is a mess. And when the apartment’s chaotic, it will physically stress me out which is the last thing I need. Also, cleaning keeps me busy in a productive way. While scrubbing away and loading dishes, I get little emotional boosts from accomplishing something and more importantly, it distracts my mind from the anxiety.
Cannabis - I try to take full advantage of my medical marijuana card. Smoking helps me eat enough (I still stick with the healthy diet) and raises my spirits. Whether listening to music or watching a movie, it just enhances the experience. The buzz distorts reality JUST enough and a few hits each night dials down the noise, providing an escape from the pressure. You think it’s easy to fall asleep naturally? Not. At. All… More like hiding in a war zone, just hoping to get through the night unharmed.
Also, remember healthy habits. I use a Pax vaporizer because vapor is easier on my lungs than, say a joint. And most edibles seem to have sugar which I try to avoid. Pax uses high quality materials and I clean it routinely to avoid any residue buildup.
When fear takes over it can be pretty brutal. These ideas help me but might not click with everyone. The point is to find whatever it takes to get you through the day. And if you’re lucky enough to have friends and family nearby, soak up as much love as possible. A few wise men once said it’s all we need.
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