1985
As I celebrate my 35th birthday, it’s natural to reflect. I was told that I probably wouldn’t make it this far, but I’ve locked in one day at a time, staying disciplined to my healing regimens and so far it’s paid off.
Of course it’s tough to fully embrace joyful occasions during a global crisis. Trust me, I’d much rather be celebrating my birthday in paradise as originally planned, but this isn’t my first time dealing with loss and disappointment. And I’m extremely lucky to have my health, an incredible family and the basic necessities.
Still, sometimes it’s hard to keep that sense of gratitude and how lucky I’ve been front and center. 35 just feels much… well, older than 30– when I was first diagnosed.
Before all the health issues, I had a clearly defined work identity while growing my career in recruiting. I’d meet and help different people every day, work closely with my colleagues/friends, and always had something new to share. I had expectations of where I’d be and what I’d achieve in 5 years. Now many of those roads appear closed off. It’s intimidating to re-introduce yourself to the world after such a long hiatus, especially due to an experience that’s impossible to relate to unless you’ve gone through it. And watching your peers reach many of those goals and aspirations you had for yourself— while your own development’s been stunted and remains in jeopardy— just feels shitty at times.
I’m always asking myself what am I working towards now? What have I accomplished outside of fighting cancer? This feels like it should matter to me, even if prioritizing health still needs to come first.
Somewhere along the way while sharing my journey, I fell in love with writing. Connecting with family, friends and other cancer fighters has been a major bright spot. And recently, the passion was further ignited when a friend referred me Stephen King’s On Writing, along with a few of his classics as helpful resources while I take a crack at writing my book. I’ve never really been a horror guy nor have I had the appetite for scarfing down 500-1,000 page novels, but figured why not try something new? Certainly had the time on my hands.
It turned out to be a great move. King’s style immediately blew me away in a “you can do that with writing?” realization that made me feel young and vibrant again when I needed it most. Writing a book wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities a few years ago. And as I continue to figure out life after cancer, I’m grateful to be re-inspired and plan on riding out this wave for as long as it lasts. You never know where the good ones'll take you.
One last thing: I’m incredibly blessed to have amazing people in my corner and couldn’t have made it this far without the unwavering support of my wife, family and friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and here’s to many more years of health and happiness!
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