The Other Half

(August 2016: Kori by my side, as always, while I recover from surgery and continue treatment.)

Can a great caregiver win the battle against cancer for you? 

Well, maybe that’s a stretch. First off, not every cancer fighter is blessed with consistent support, and even then, you still need the right attitude, discipline and plenty of luck. But I’ve been lucky. My wife’s been by my side every step of the way- we weren’t even married when I was diagnosed- and frankly, I have no clue how I could’ve gotten this far without her. 

We’ve been successful through love, trust, communication, sacrifice and plenty of hard work. But in my opinion, one of Kori’s greatest strengths is her ability to anticipate. She knows me well and understands my needs— usually before I’m able to recognize them myself. Cancer fighters may get majority of praise for their bravery and strength, for being so inspiring… but let me tell you, Kori and caregivers like her have been right there in the trenches and their lives have been equally dismantled by cancer.

A few weeks ago, following my share in Aftershock, I returned home from the hospital with relatively “good” news: hip pain that we feared might be due to a tumor turned out to be arthritis. All week, we had spent worrying exhaustedly. And while I was sidelined, needing to break out the crutches again, Kori took on the remaining household chores, prepared my meals and carried whatever I needed, all in addition to managing her full time career. We were both worn down.

As soon as I walked in the door, Kori hugged me tightly. “Champagne is chilling in the fridge,” she said. “It was important to celebrate the wins.”

But instead of meeting her excitement, I explained how I was completely spent and needed to crutch on over to bed. I was still in pain, exhausted from the added stress of immobility, and more or less shrugged off her celebratory offer. I lost sight of how hard this had all been on her. 

She needed her husband to join her in embracing a moment of relief. Especially during quarantine where there was nowhere else to turn. I could have taken a few sips, it wouldn’t have killed me; the act itself was what mattered, even if she hadn’t the clarity to express it that way at the time.

Through her actions, Kori’s taught me a million times: there’s a difference between “here if you need anything, and anticipating and providing support. I felt this was a good reminder for myself and readers to remember that and remember caregivers need care too.