Zen and the Art of Fighting Cancer
Zen, Taoism, Buddhism… I went through an exploratory phase after college. At first, I probably just thought I was cool for trying something different, but a lot of the concepts— going with the flow, balance, mindfulness— ended up resonating. I’d feel more relaxed after reading. Centered and oddly liberated too. The ideas eventually shaped how I try to approach life. And they really helped once cancer came along.
When first diagnosed, I realized that I had to let go and accept my path had changed. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified or incredibly stressed, or that I didn’t wish it would all go away. But I wasn’t looking to point fingers or scream why me. I tried to look for positives where I could, Yin/Yang type of stuff.
And as the fight with cancer raged on, books like Tao Te Ching and Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind helped me slow down, quiet the noise, and appreciate simplicity in a new light. I embraced pure, basic experiences like drinking a cup of hot tea fully present. Laying in bed with headphones taking in my favorite records. Losing myself in books, movies or the euphoric, drug-like state I could tap into during meditation. That’s what I had to work with and they became the gifts that kept on giving. They brought joy and inner peace. And after so much loss, I’d comfort myself in the idea that less could sometimes be more.
Friends tell me all the time, “Steve, you sure developed great coping mechanisms. I bet that’s helped you during quarantine lockdown.” These concepts are the foundation.
That said, there’s a happy medium somewhere. I wasn’t all that accepting of a less than 10% survival rate. I fought, and still do, every day to turn my health around. And during periods of extreme stress it’s not all that easy to find bliss in some damn tea. During scans, for example, I can barely sit still and tend to keep as busy as possible. Also, I can read endlessly about moderation and humility but the fact is I’m a born and raised New Yorker who will always be ambitious and to a certain degree, crave the finer thing in life. It’s just that whenever these thoughts get out of hand, revisiting my go-to reads helps reframe my perspective.
They’ve helped me through cancer and they’ve helped me through quarantine. One day at a time.
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