Simple Tips for Friends & Family
At this point pretty much everyone has been affected by the disease one way or another, right?
I believe everyone WANTS to be a good person. And if there are better ways that offer the chance to think to yourself, "Boy am I something, helping someone with cancer - load up those karma points baby!", well it's a short list. Especially in the first wave - during the diagnosis. Oh man, I felt like quite the celebrity. Cards, texts, calls... It was special.
And fleeting…
Eventually it narrowed down to my core friends, family, and my dog/body guard, Penny Lane, who overbears threatening suspects with cuteness. I think people simply get uncomfortable when the conversation leads to the harsh realities of which they lack control. After the first few rounds of "Thinking about you! Sending prayers and good vibes!" they don't always handle authentic conversation, or venting super gracefully.
Maybe it's not knowing how to act, what to say, what to avoid... Maybe they feel pressure to deliver laughs or happiness.
My tips would be: When someone you care about is in a stressed or painful emotional state, avoid being the Abrasive Subject Changer, or even worse - the Positive Spinner. PLEASE.
The vibe you want to tap into is: "Hey man/girl, I'm so sorry you're going through this or feeling that way... It really sucks."
And then shut up. Just be there. Most of the time that person will want to keep talking and they'll start to feel safe as they sense you're not running away. By just actively listening and letting them get it out of their system you've done an amazing job being supportive.
For me it always feels cleansing to release all the stress and also provides the satisfaction of genuine social connection which is so important.
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